When I look into the energetic field of a client who suffers from anxiety, I can see a big cloud around the upper body, something that looks like electric current around the head (or flashing lights if you prefer) and often some kind of darker imprints around the solar plexus, heart and even throat. I can feel in my body the shortness of breath, the cloud in the mind and the sensations of being out of control, of not being to think clearly.
I can see and feel what the person in front of me is experiencing. The brain and the nervous system are overloaded with so much tension that it is literally as if a storm had landed and couldn’t leave. Anxiety comes and goes and so does the intensity of the physical and mental reactions to it. The consequences are always bad.
It has become more and more clear to me that creating a routine to help finding clarity and inner peace has to become the prime focus when someone starts suffering from anxiety. We should never wait too long to take action, to face what’s going on and to act accordingly; as waiting just makes the amount of stress and anxiety bigger and bigger, eventually leading to this massive energetic storm that I sometime see. The longer you wait, ignoring the problem, the harder it gets to heal it.
“I’ll be fine, it’s just difficult at the moment” – “I’m ok, really, just a little bit stressed” – “It’s ok to be a little bit stressed, everyone is stressed anyway” – “I’ll go for a quick walk, I’ll feel better and able to get on with it in no time” – “I will practice my yoga and meditation tomorrow, when I have time, because really, I’m ok now and need to get his done”… etc etc…
It does to me, because I’ve said hose words to myself many times… I was brushing away the fact that stress was building up. Me, suffering from anxiety? hahaha – a yoga teacher and spiritual coach teaching others how to care about themselves??? Noooo waaaayyyy
Big slap in the face – Thank you life for teaching me humility – again.
I never thought I could actually experience anxiety myself; until it happened. I knew I was stressed but I had no idea how stressed I was. I didn’t recognise the warning signs of anxiety building up; the inability to turn the mind off, the need to isolate myself more and more, the shortness of breath and the negative talk in my mind. I should have known better right? Working with people suffering from anxiety and depression should mean that you can deal with that yourself; or where is the point, you are a fake then right? But I wasn’t immune to it, nope…
I guess I had to suffer from anxiety as well to be able to relate to others more. It certainly has been a very humbling experience and has taught me a lot. It’s mostly gone now… After closing my business I actually removed from my life what was causing me so much stress in the first place. I took a major step, cut it short, and saved myself in the process. I am still recovering from it but generally, I feel very relaxed and happy now.
But anxiety has this way of coming back when you least expect it (same as feeling depressed actually)…
What I still struggle with, is the one big reason behind the anxiety I might start feeling. It happened again recently even if I had been feeling very happy, connected and positive. I started feeling stressed and anxious maybe a week ago and was observing that with curiosity. This is what makes me feel super proud and happy right now: I was able to be the witness to the changes happening inside of me. I observed that my feelings of joy and happiness were not as strong as they had been for weeks, that my mind would start chewing on little things that would otherwise have been insignificant, that I found excuses to skip my walks in nature and my meditation practice. I was observing that game of mine and I was able to smile at it.
First step, first win: See the pattern, Be the witness, Observe with detachment and non judgment – Yay, done that!!!
Second step: I made it too!!!
-> I actually went for my walks, did my meditations, listen to the music that make me feel happy, asked my bestie to come for a good chat, avoided the wine to dilute my feelings but took long baths instead. I actually was able to control my actions not to fall back into my bad habits that would have made things worse. Yay!!!
I know I know, I’m just feeling so super proud of myself for this one that I am now bragging. It’s not often that I feel I have the right to give myself a pat on the back. When you can observe your behaviour and actually act for the best, breaking an old unhealthy pattern, do give yourself a good reward my friend. We don’t reward our self enough to compensate for all the bad self talk we do most of the time.
Ok, so I did what I had to do… But then, nothing changed. I was still feeling anxious, it was actually getting worse. I could feel the energetic charge within me and outside, in my energetic field. I could see the cloud around my solar plexus and my heart, starting to reach my head.
So I went deeper. I did a past-life regression on myself. It was great and very interesting but didn’t change much the intensity of my feelings. I looked within myself doing ‘The Journey’, where you go inside your body to see what’s going on, relate it to past events and emotions to free the whole and heal. Again, it was great but I was still not back to feeling completely free from the anxiousness I was experiencing. I was starting to wonder what else to do, not allowing my mind to take me to unwanted places of feeling hopeless.
Reflecting back on this, I can honestly say that doing all of that hugely helped. It wasn’t obvious in the moment, but basically, I took my anxious feelings seriously, did not deny them as I used to, did all that I could with what I had, took care of myself and didn’t loose faith. It prevented my anxiety from growing and getting on top of me, controlling my life and taking me into unwanted places. I felts I was in control of it, watching it, taming it.
I was clueless on what to do to completely get rid of it. Then it hit me: I felt that something way bigger than my mind could comprehend at this stage in my life was actually going on… What was needed was lightness and clarity. My soul had to say something to me but my mind was just not able to transmit what it was saying through my intuition. My anxiety was actually the language of my soul!!! “Listen – you have to act – Listen, there is something you need to know – I won’t stop until you bring changes”!!!
As soon as that thought came into my mind, I got this buzzing of excitement rushing through my body – YES, that shows that indeed, it is a message!!! I am not just feeling this out of the blue, there is a deeper reason to my feelings. It’s just that I have no clue what this very reason is. I have no idea about the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. I decided to accept not knowing as I knew I was onto something anyway.
So, what I did was to take my journal from the place it had been hiding for a couple of weeks, and started writing down like crazy. I wrote about all the new things that had been happening in my life, from my new crush, to me starting teaching again and receiving clients at home, about everything… and you know what??? It worked!!!
It became clear that two areas of my life where not aligned with what I needed right now. After realising that, I had to take action. Because if you actually don’t act on changing things, your anxiety won’t leave. I removed from my life what was causing me stress even though I thought it was an ok situation… obviously, it was not. Actually, it was two situations… A while ago, I would have handled them easily; hence my inability to recognise them as the source of my anxiety (Is it this??? Really???). After clearing those situations (it wasn’t that easy but I did it anyway because I have decided to be a badass warrior and not hide under a rock ever again pretending all is well when it is not), I felt the clouds being lifted, the tension drop and a huge smile came on my face.
Phew, what a relief!!!
Still, the bigger picture of this, I don’t really get, but then, why does it matter? Actually, the bigger lesson is might very well just be this: “I learn to care about myself by acknowledging was makes me feel happy, and do that more, and by removing from my life what feels complicated and heavy, and do it straight away, with courage”. I know my soul, my whole self needed that and was sending messages to me through stress and anxiety so I could do what needed to be done to continue on my path with trust, joy and confidence.
I now want to encourage you to face whatever is going on for you. To look at your stress, your anxiety straight in the eyes and find out what it is that is creating those unpleasant feelings. Then ACT. Be courageous, you’ve got what it take, you will be ok eventually!
If you feel that you struggle finding clarity, I might be able to help you.
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