What is happening to me?
I went from being very grounded, joyful and connected; to crying constantly. I have lost my joy and turned into a destructive electric ball of fire.
When I tune in, I can feel a lightning kind of energy in my aura. I see a tumultuous ocean of sadness within. I observe clouds around my head and inside it. The color red is overly present as well as dark grey and black.
It has nothing to do with the usual colors of my energy field. I am sad like I haven’t been in many years. I know from experience that my anger builds upon my sadness, to try in a vain effort to balance things out.
But I do not want to destroy everything in the flow of my electric desperation. Hurting other people and myself is not something I am willing to repeat ever again. I swore many years ago that I would learn to deal with those emotions. I want to be able to deal with them in a way that will make me feel like the mature and loving human I so aspire to be.
It is a good thing, to be aware of the fact that we are fast falling… Clarity and honesty with ourselves are key to taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions.
Life keeps on throwing shit at me from every angle that I can think of.
Come on, keep doing it, go on, I am not defeated yet and, actually, I won’t be ever.
I spend the night thinking of all the ways I can hurt the person who’s hurt me, how I can just disappear in the woods never to come back, or why not take a flight to Belgium and stay beside my sick mother until one of us dies.
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