A couple of weeks ago, I was reflecting on the fact that I was single, again. My last relationship ended and I’m fine with that really… I like being on my own and I don’t really need a guy to make me feel happy and alive. What I need to reflect on, is the recurrent pattern that I get into. I can easily get emotionally attached to someone that’s not really good for me and then create a relationship based on co-dependency. It can take me sometime to realise it but once I do, I get the light bulb needed to move on. I’ve know that for a long time, but yet, it keeps on happening. I have often thought that the relationship itself was just not meant to be.
Actually, when I reflect on this now, I can see that every single relationship that I have had, from a little crush, to dating, to proper GF and BF, were all meant to be. For them to last, wasn’t meant to be; but for my own growth and experience, they all needed to happen. Every time you have an experience, you interact with someone, it is ALWAYS meant to be.
Off course, there are experiences that are harder than others in life… Let’s not try to scale them here, to compare my difficult experiences to yours, or your friend or neighbour. We all have different wounds, different fears and negative beliefs; so we will all react differently to life and its difficulties. Once we can accept the fact that something is easy for us to overcome but might not be for someone else, and that it’s totally ok; then we learn empathy, compassion and forgiveness.
Everything is ‘meant to be’ because everything is there to teach us something. Life has tricky ways for us to learn and sometimes things are just very complicated to understand and get over with; but that will come with time. It will because you can be sure that life will keep throwing at you the same experiences over and over again until you have learned the lesson.
This is often why recurring scenarios keep on happening…
- “Why do I keep attracting the same kind of needy partner who just keep on bringing my mojo down?”
- “Why do I always have a boss who thinks that bullying me is actually ok?”
- “Why can’t my mother just leave me alone for once and stop telling me how I should live my life?”
We ALL have patterns that become recurrent… And it will keep on happening until we have the ‘light bulb’ that will change our perspective on the actual event and allow us to break the pattern and move forward.
I find that the more we put ourselves in the victim place, the less power we have to accept what is and actually bring positive and long lasting change. So grab this attitude of yours with both hands and your whole self; and stop thinking that you have nothing to do with it; because an act does always have two players in it. Shake yourself up and start looking at the situation with a fresh new angle: the one of the powerful you who is ready to do something and acknowledge that if this keeps on happening, it’s because you haven’t learned yet. You’ve got the power!!!
Here are some steps that will help you accept events as ‘meant to be’ and change your perspective:
- Acknowledge the event fully and how it makes you feel
- Say to yourself: “how unpleasant this event is, I accept that it is meant to be so I can learn, grow and heal on a deep level’
- Breathe a couple of times consciously
- Remember how often similar events have happened to you, and how they made you feel; allow yourself to feel that even though it is unpleasant. (If there are a lot of similar events that have happened to you and the intensity of your feelings about it is quite high – Great!!! it means that the pressure cooker is ready to let go of the steam = you are ready to let go of the pattern!)
- Consider the fears that are attached to this situation, name them… Do the same with your negative beliefs (such as “I’m not intelligent enough to attract smart people in my life”, or “People need to already be rich to experience true abundance”, or “I have to stay in this job even if I hate it because there is nothing else I can do” …). Acknowledge that these fears and negative beliefs are NOT true – it’s just your mind playing tricks!
- Take a couple of conscious breaths…
- Say this out loud: “This event is meant to be because it is teaching me to overcome my fears and negative beliefs, it is meant to be so I can learn to trust myself, to trust the fact that I am good enough, loveable, and totally amazing. It is there to show me that I deserve to stand up for myself, to create healthy boundaries so I feel that I’ve got my own back. It is there so I can learn to see the funny side of life, to find joy and happiness no matter what. It is there so I can connect to myself, to my soul, and trust that YES, I’ve got the power!!!”
- Breathe a couple of times and FEEL..
- Smile, get on with life, thanking it even though you have no clue at times – that doesn’t matter because you know you will see more clearly about this later, looking back on this experience, going like “I get it now, this is why that happened!”
Cultivating faith in life, trust in yourself, your own power to face whatever comes your way, cultivate faith in a higher power, are really the most essential tools you can keep in your tool box of the ‘spiritual warrior’ that you are.
And as I reflect now on a couple of things that have been happening in my romantic life, such as attracting guys that are not right for me, I can see that yes, indeed, life is the greatest teacher of all and the pattern has been going on for a while.
So, I will practice the steps above and break the pattern that no longer serves me. I will stop being the victim of my negative beliefs and feel the powerful woman that I am!
Bring on the experiences that I need, life, as I trust that they are ALL meant to be, always!